Love, Hate and Loopiness
by DementedDreameater
Summary: What do you get when you put a "Ferret", a "Mudblood" and Amortentia together? Love, hate and a whole lot of loopiness!


**"Love, Hate and Loopiness"  
><strong>By: DementedDreameater

* * *

><p>"You arrogant, selfish prick..."<p>

"You frizzy-haired, big-toothed bookworm..."

"Insufferable prat!"

"Waste of space!"

"FERRET!"

"MUDBLOOD!"

Students literally had to hold down Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy to keep the two from hexing each other to the next century.

The class had started off like any regular Potions class: students were behaved, were reading up on lessons or chatting lightly with their seatmates...and NOT trying to keep classmates from clawing each other's eyes out. Everything had been _fine_. That is, until Professor Slughorn told them what they'd be attempting to make that day.

Amortentia.

Immediately, some girls started gushing and giggling and squealing. Some boys had already constructed very, _very_ naughty plans in their minds. And suddenly, Slughorn felt unsure about letting the students attempt it. The most powerful love potion in the entire world...in the hands of _teenagers_. He shuddered and broke up the usual pairs to prevent mischief. He then randomly assigned people to pair up.

It was funny how Ron Weasley got paired up with Gregory Goyle. Obviously, they wouldn't be using the potion on each other...that is, if they even _manage _to make something remotely close to Amortentia. It was hilarious how Harry Potter ended up being partners with Neville Longbottom and people ended up giving them funny looks as they whispered, "Well...Harry _is_ always helping Neville out of trouble...like some knight in shining armor..." and "Longbottom and Potter...kind of makes sense..."

Then everything _stopped_ being funny when Slughorn announced the next pair: Granger and Malfoy.

Everyone had a feeling the class would NOT end without one of them sending the other to the hospital wing. When the two finally dragged themselves to sit with each other, they tried their best to avoid contact and be civil for the sake of the grade. ...well, actually, that was just _Hermione_. Draco found their pairing amusing and couldn't help himself from making the witch suffer. Whenever Hermione did something with the potion, he would always have something nasty to say:

"Are you blind or just plain stupid? That's the wrong ingredient!"  
>"Is your bird's nest getting in the way of you reading the instructions? That's wrong!"<br>"Merlin Granger, and I thought Weasel was dumb."  
>"Here, give me that! Why don't you put yourself to good use and jump out of that window over there?"<p>

Eventually, Hermione lost her temper and everything went downhill from there.

It was too bad really. They were the only ones who were successful in producing the Amortentia. That was why Slughorn let them off with just a day of detention.

Right after the class, Hermione and her friends stormed off. Blaise Zabini, Draco's best mate, came up to the blonde with a smirk on his face. "Well_ someone_ had fun during Potions."

Draco smirked back. "Had _fun_? You call me being insulted by a lower class mudblood like her, _fun_?"

Blaise raised an eyebrow, the cocky smirk still on his face.

"I was insulted to my face, looked at menacingly and almost got my balls hexed off for the nth time…" Draco smiled. "...and I loved every second of it."

Blaise was the only one Draco confided in regarding the crush he harbored for the frizzy-haired girl. _Yes_, for Hermione Granger. He really couldn't understand it and he couldn't remember when the crush had started.

He found it sickeningly cute how she would always have her sickeningly cute button nose buried in some book meant to put even the most serious bookworm to sleep. He found her disregard for improving her poor excuse for a wardrobe amusing. He found her big-toothed laugh and smile endearing. And let's not forget the coconut-y smell of her hair (he had smelled it from the Amortentia as well).

But oh, how he loved it even more when they fought! He adored how she'd get all huffy and pink from anger. He admired how she could actually get back at him with witty insults and comments. He loved the way her brows would furrow at the mere sound of his voice, how her frizzy hair would get even frizzier from exasperation, and how her right eye would twitch at the sight of him. And he LOVED that look she would always give him at the climax of every argument, the look which seemed like she was just about to Avada him.

He just sort of realized all these one particularly boring school day.

"Well you really did it this time, Draco," Blaise said. "You got the goody-goody, law-abiding Hermione Granger to attend detention."

"And that's not _all_ I'd be getting her to do." Draco wore the biggest mischievous smile.

Blaise crossed his arms. He knew that whenever his friend had _that_ look on his face, the blonde was cooking up some kind of prank or plan in his twisted little head. "What are you up to now?"

"Oh nothing much...just something that involves her favorite tea, which is disgusting by the way, I really don't understand how the bookworm could keep it down...and this." Draco stuffed his hand in the left pocket of his trousers and brandished the bottle containing their Amortentia.

Blaise's eyes widened. "You serious?"

"As serious as the need to brush her bird's nest every now and then."

He just sort of realized one particularly boring school day that it would be loads of _fun_ to have her.

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><p>Draco and Hermione had detention at Slughorn's office. He had tasked them to do some paperwork while he went out to do errands for a couple of hours.<p>

"Let's just stay out of each other's way so we can finish quickly and head back to our dormitories." Hermione huffed without looking at Draco who had just entered the room. She scooped up her papers and settled in a corner of the room, away from him. "That way we won't have to spend so much time together." She hadn't noticed the tea cups he was bringing until he placed one of them on her table.

"Now what, Malfoy?" She looked at it suspiciously. "Spiked it with _poison_?"

He smirked before settling in his own corner and starting on his task. "Only the most potent for the mudblood." From the corner of his eye, he saw her bring the cup near her face to survey for anything strange. Not taking his eyes of the papers, he nonchalantly said, "If you must know, Granger, and of course you do because you're GRANGER, they're from Slughorn. Figures we'll need it since we're stuck here, knee-deep in all his bloody paperwork."

Hermione looked at the tea a bit longer, smelled it and swished the contents around before placing it back on the saucer and resuming her work.

Draco did a mental facepalm. _"Dammit, Granger! Just drink the bloody tea!"_

After two or three hours, the pair started to yawn and stretch and rub their eyes. Draco had long finished his tea, which he realized wasn't so bad after all. Hermione's remained untouched though. He was about to give up when he saw, once again from the corner of his eye, the brunette yawn, stretch, pause to look at the cup and then finally drink her tea.

"VICTORY!" Draco leapt from his seat.

This almost gave the girl a heart attack considering they had been quiet for hours. "What the bloody hell is your problem, Malfoy?"

He smiled widely. "You drank the tea, Granger."

She blanched, eyes wide open now. "Y-you actually put _poison_ in it?"

He continued to smile. Any second now...

Hermione looked _murderous_. Now she_ really_ looked like she was ready to Avada him to the depths of hell. "YOU BIG, STUPID, ARROGANT SON OF-"

Then she stopped and suddenly switched from sporting a murderous look to a strange lovey-dovey one. "-an angel..." She sighed dreamily. Draco could've sworn he saw hearts in her hazel eyes.

He smirked. "Yeah, that's right."

She ran towards him and almost speared him with her hug. It surprised the blonde but it was a nice surprise anyway. Her strength also surprised him since she was on the verge of crushing his spine. Literally. Luckily, she let go and looked up into his mercurial eyes. "My darling..." she cooed and planted a kiss on his cheek.

Draco smiled some more. He could get used to this.

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><p>Draco's following days consisted of receiving different kinds of baked goods and homey gifts from his new pet, heavy duty snogging in dark corridors, and shocked looks from everyone (even from the professors). Harry and Ron had threatened him and accused him of using Amortentia on her, which of course he did, but they had no proof. Professors didn't bother to ask about it, seeing that it was a personal matter and believing hormones finally got the best of the <em>teenage <em>witch.

"Drakie..." Hermione cooed, holding a spoonful of dessert in front of his face. "Open wiiiide!"

Draco obliged and happily ate with her help.

"You sure you wanna keep this up, mate?" Blaise was watching the rather public display of affection. "I'm happy for you and all but I wanna be able to _eat_ again." The displays had sickened him to the point of losing his appetite. The witch's housemates also watched from afar and were shooting daggers at him with their eyes.

Draco paid no attention to these, however. He was far too busy relishing in his new-found romance, even _if_ it was born from the coupling of a powerful love potion and a mischievous mind.

He found it far too amusing how the once fierce Hermione Granger, sworn enemy, and the only one to equal him in terms of intellect and vocabulary for insults, was now this squishy puddle of lovey-dovey goo, always willing to do his bidding, always showering him with affection. It was totally out of character, which was hilarious. Amortentia really was something.

Of course, he knew he'd eventually have to stop giving her the potion. He was a lot of things: a jerk, a snob...maybe even an arrogant, selfish prick (as the witch beside him used to say). But he sure wasn't some creepy perverted love-sick boy who'd keep her in this state forever.

He was just having _fun_. And for him, the fun was far from being over.

Draco took the witch by the wrist. "Come on, Hermione, let's go somewhere more...private."

It was time for some more heavy duty snogging.

* * *

><p>More days went by and things suddenly didn't seem so great.<p>

Of course the snogging was still spectacular, but Hermione was starting to get on his nerves.

She would follow him around like a lost puppy, sometimes even to the boy's bathroom. She would raise her hand in class only to declare her endless love for him. Half of the time she would just stare longingly at him and compliment him on his hair, clothes, eyes and eyelashes, which really kind of freaked him out...especially after she tried plucking some of his lashes out for her 'collection'.

The other half would be spent being jealous over any girl he'd come into contact with. And boy was _she_ the jealous type. Every time she'd find him talking to some girl, she'd immediately run up to them, brandishing her wand and a psychotic murderous look, ready to hex the girl to an early grave.

He also missed the days when they used to quarrel and spite each other. Gone were the days of insult-throwing and scowling. They were replaced by compliments and words of kindness. But all the nice mushy talk they were having just didn't feel quite right.

Draco's room was quickly filling up with chocolates and gifts and flowers and other girly things, and it was littered with love letters since Hermione had been sending him messages every few minutes.

"How many trees do you think she killed to send all these letters?" Blaise scoffed, swimming through the mess.

Eventually, more owls came to deliver more gifts and more letters saying mushy things like:

"I love you forever and ever and ever, Drakie."  
>"You mean more to me than all the books in the world! Are you busy?"<br>"I can't seem to do my homework. All I can think about is Y-O-U. Why aren't you replying?"  
>"Hello, sweety! Did you send a reply? I think it got lost somewhere. I love you!"<br>"I wonder what our kids will look like!"

By the last letter, he had snapped and decided to go out of the dormitories for some fresh air. He wondered how he could _ever_ think that he could get used to all this...this insanity! Just as he stepped out of the Slytherin "headquarters", someone bear-hugged him from behind.

"I MISSSEEED YOUUUUU!"

"Bloody hell, Granger! What are you doing out here?"

"I was waiting for _you_ to come out, silly!"

Hermione said it like it was the most natural thing in the world, even though it was _way_ past curfew, and judging by the messy state of her clothes and hair, the dark circles under her eyes, the books piled on the floor and Harry's invisibility cloak which he was sure the witch had stolen, she had been there for _hours._

"I can't bear being away from you... I have an idea! I can live in_ your_ room. I have Harry's invisibility cloak here with me! It'll work out! Then we'll never ever, EVER have to be apart."

That was the last straw.

"MERLIN! I NEED SPACE, YOU FILTHY LITTLE MUDBLOOD!"

He knew using the M word would be enough to wake her from her state of loopiness. Indeed, she released him and wore a very hurt look on her face. He almost felt sorry for having to resort to the M word.

_Almost._

If it meant he'd be free from her grasp then he'd use it over and over again. But after a while, Hermione smiled.

"That was a very hurtful thing to say but it's okay, Drakie. I _forgive _you."

Draco just stood there. Hermione Granger just told him that it was okay for him, Draco Malfoy, to call her a filthy little mudblood.

Now he _knew_ the fun was over.

He was right; Amortentia really was something...something _dangerous_. He made a mental note to never use it again...or at least until the next time boredom triumphed over logic.

Luckily, he had prepared an antidote long before and had carried it around with him just in case things got out of control. He ordered her to drink it and she happily obliged. In a matter of seconds, the loving and obsessive look on Hermione's face was replaced by that of confusion and then contempt.

"What in the world am I doing here with you, Malfoy?"

Draco smiled, relief washing over him. _This_ was the Hermione Granger he had come to love. "It's good to have you back, Granger!"

He then gave her a massive hug and a peck on the cheek. When he pulled away, he noticed she wasn't moving...or breathing for that matter.

His sudden change in attitude greatly surprised (and disturbed) the witch.

But it didn't matter.

He had the real Hermione Granger back, insults and all. He realized that things between them were way better off without the help of the potion. He had missed their fights so much, the hate in her voice just a while ago almost brought tears to his eyes.

_Almost._

Malfoys don't cry.

And besides, he was Draco Lucius Malfoy for Merlin's sake. He was confident that one day, without the help of potions or spells, he would be able to ensnare the witch's heart. But for now, he was happy with their current "friendship".

He walked away with a bounce in his step, whistling a happy tune and leaving behind a confused and still shocked Hermione Granger.

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><p><strong>AN: My first ever Dramione one-shot! :)**

**I had fun making this one, so I hope you enjoy reading it. :)**

**As suggested by some...what do you think about Hermione getting her revenge? :) I smell a follow-up one-shot coming up.**

**As usual, comments and reviews are love! Spread the love! :D :D **


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